Dear Worried…

In response to “Worried”

Dear Hailey,

Before I get to the actual question, you need some background information first. Back when my husband was a child his life changed in an instant when a drunk driver crashed into his parents car killing most of his family. His older brother and him were the only 2 survivers from the wreck. After nearly dying, and years later, both brothers are ok and dont suffer a whole lot from previous injuries. Even though my husband’s injuries were far more critical and serious then his older brothers injuries, his older brother seems to have more long lasting issues.

My husband and brother are ridiculously close. I seriously question who he would be more sad to lose in death, me or his brother. Thats how close they are. Its a running joke between my sister in law and i that we are both not sure if they would be more sad to lose their wife or their brother.

Fast forward to now. My husbands brother has been not feeling very well, never having enough energy, missing work for being “sick” or just plain exhausted. So they went and got some tests done last week and found out that his pancreas is slowly failing. They put him on some enzymes that supposedly help combat that and supposedly he can live a long and healthy life as long as he stays on the enzymes. Unfortunately they found out yesterday he is horribly allergic to them and breaks out in these really painful hives and cankers in his mouth.

He was told he needs to stop taking them until they clear up and then maybe try taking them again. As far as we know there is nothing else he can take to replace the enzymes needed for his failing pancreas. My husband knows about the pancreas and that he was taking the enzymes but i havent told him about the allergic reaction to the enzymes yet. He fell apart for days just finding out about the pancreas problems…. and that was when we had.hope that the enzymes were safe to take for life and would basically fix the problem.

So my question is should I tell my husband about this? Or should I leave that up to his brother?


A: Dear Worried,

You have been put in a very difficult position with knowing this information before your husband, especially with the close relationship between him and his brother. You have outlined your choices in your question, you either need to tell your husband, or leave it in your brother in laws hands. I feel your best option is to encourage your brother in law to tell your brother. However, if he chooses not to tell him, your husband will find out eventually, and it will be hurtful if time has passed. I would encourage your brother in law, decide in your mind on how much time you will give him, and then tell your husband after that amount of time has passed (whether it be hours or days). Truly, you know the situation best and should proceed how you feel would be best for everyone, yourself included.



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