I’ve had those days. Days where you are too tired to get out of bed, where you hear the baby crying and you pray they will go back to sleep. When they keep crying and all you can do is drag yourself out of bed, pick them up, and lay back down. When you have nothing left to give, but you keep giving.
When people you love are doing all that they can to help you, and you can’t help but feel angry at them for no reason.
When it seems impossible to go to work, but you do it anyway.
Then when you get home and you just want to lay down, cry and sleep but people need you. You tell yourself that you can’t possibly do anything else, and you take care of the baby for 6 more hours and then you finally get to collapse into an exhausted pile in your bed.
And then in the morning you do it all over again.
I want you to know that it gets better.
Take care of yourself, and it will pass.
Take care of your body, and it will take care of you. Eat well, do what you can to get adequate sleep, and ask for help when you need it. Learn what is normal for you, and what is very much not normal, your body and your mind screaming for help. Unfortunately I have become far too familiar with the not-normal, the depressed, the angry, and the exhausted.
I’ve been absent from the blog this week because I have finally come out of my exhaustion funk. I have been busy, but not on here. I am cleaning the house regularly again, and I took advantage of my new found energy and overhauled the entire house. It was like nesting without an impending baby.
And it feels AMAZING.
I am determined to keep my house in order.
I am determined to do my best work at my job.
I am determined to recommit myself to my religion.
I am determined to lose the baby weight, the marriage weight, the grad school weight, and the antidepressant weight. I am embarrassed to admit to the world that this totals up to almost 40 pounds.
I want to be healthy for my son, my husband, and myself. I want to be happy when I look in the mirror, and to feel confident again.
I am also incredibly proud to say that I am in the process of scaling myself off of my antidepressants. I am not ashamed of taking them, but I am happy to say that I am to a point that I no longer need to rely on medications to be me again (If you missed my article about my experience with postpartum depression, you can read it here).
I’m not perfect. All of my struggles aren’t suddenly gone. But I’ve reached a turning point in my life. And I’m proud to say that it is a rare day that I find myself running on empty, with nothing left.
As corny as it sounds, I am going to be the best version of myself that I can be. And I am so excited.
*Update* A few days in, I realized (and readers expressed concern about this as well) that this was far too many goals to work on all at once. I am currently focusing on two of these and will work on the others at a later date! I got a little over zealous!