I recently resolved something with someone very dear to me that has been bothering me for a long time. While I share many personal details of my life here, I’m not going to get into the specifics. I will say that I was totally in the wrong, it was an unnecessary fight, and the situation was the perfect storm for me to feel a variety of negative emotions and overreact. Now that it’s completely resolved, it feels good! This conversation, as well as conversations my husband and I have had lately about the topic of what causes fights between friends and couples; has me thinking about different circumstances that escalate fights, and sometimes even causes them. Here are some suggestions on how to avoid a fight…most of the time! Issues need to be discussed for sure, but if you follow the guide below you might be able to keep it from becoming a fight. (The below photo credit goes to Davina, one of our favorite photographers here on Thoughts, Dots, and Tots!).
I don’t know about you, but I am an absolute big baby when I get sick. And almost all of us get cranky when we are tired or hungry. When our bodies need something our patience can disappear, and our tempers can flare up. Try to avoid big important discussions where tensions can easily get high when you know that your body is struggling. Come back to it later when you are feeling better, unless it is absolutely urgent. If the circumstances allow, come back to it later and you just might avoid a fight!
Our insecurities can cloud our judgment severely. Two of my biggest insecurities are two pretty common ones: rejection and exclusion. When I am faced with a scenario where I perceive either of these two things (whether or not they are actually happening) my judgement quickly gets skewed. Think about daily life, it’s easy to feel like those around us are being purposefully hurtful towards us. Most of the time this is absolutely inaccurate, and generally just an oversight on the part of those around us. Knowing your own insecurities will help you be more in tune with your own needs and avoid a fight.
Lack of communication
This one’s a biggie, and once appropriate communication is in place it resolves a HUGE portion of disputes. Our imaginations can easily get the best of us when we aren’t communicating appropriately. I’ve already confessed a few times on the blog that I’m a pessimist (in progress!) and I often jump to the worst conclusions when there is a communication break down. Do your best to maintain healthy communication with those around you!
Whether the past experiences be with someone else, or the person you are currently fighting with, this can absolutely can affect our judgement. There is nothing wrong with being careful and learning from our past experiences. However, you don’t want to live your life expecting everyone to behave like the worst person you have ever met. Most people have good intentions!
It’s ok to walk away to avoid a fight
It is absolutely ok to take a break, and come back. Thinking that the issue at hand (whatever it may be) needs to be solved right now can escalate your current argument. This is totally unnecessary out of the time. Take a walk, get some air, take some deep breaths, pray, or meditate…(maybe eat some chocolate?) and come back to it with a clearer head.
All in all…
All in all…next time you feel a fight coming on, consider the list above and think. Could any of the above reasons be clouding your judgment and be affecting the way you are feeling? Know that becoming defensive and angry is not going to help the situation. Many fights can be avoided or be downgraded to a dispute if you are in tune with yourself and what you are feeling!