Like a Sister (Response to Always the Sister Type)

Dear Hailey,

I’m in my upper 20s and have been in several relationships, but guys always end up telling me that they “love me like a sister” or that they don’t love me THAT way- that is, the romantic way. I am very
feminine and I definitely don’t have a problem expressing my feelings of affection through words or actions, and I have been kissed before- but later he said he didn’t feel that way about me even after we’d discussed marriage. So I’ve coined myself as having what I call “Little Sister Syndrome” because that’s how guys see me. I realize that some of them could have other struggles that I’m not aware of but it always feels like it’s me. I value trust in relationships and friendships but I want the people I date to see me as more than just a trustworthy pretty girl who they can be comfortable with- but never consider spending a life with. Thanks for listening.

Always the sister type



Dear Always the sister type,

You aren’t alone, many people find themselves in the place that you continually find yourself in, and it is a very painful place. There is a reason that there are hundreds of thousands of stories and songs
written about unrequited love, because IT HURTS. All people have a need for emotional closeness. It is really hurtful to discover that the person that you had romantic intentions for only needed emotional intimacy, but nothing romantic.

You feel something really deep and romantic, and in return they tell you that they love you like a sister. Which seriously sucks.

It really is ok to make your intentions for someone known early on. While many people view directness as taboo, (Even though there is absolutely nothing wrong with it) it can save you a large amount of heart ache in the end.

It is also important to make sure that your interactions are being equally reciprocated. If you are always the one to call, always the one to come over, you always text first, then you need to evaluate
what you are doing. It is ok to back off, and give them a chance to reach out first. Give them a chance to miss you. This can give you (as well as them) a clearer picture of their feelings. This can also help you avoid getting too attached to someone who doesn’t feel the same way.

I am a big proponent of self-reflection, and journal writing. We often can find patterns in the types of people that we attract/seek after, as well as patterns in our own behavior if we spend time reflecting and writing. It is important to consider that possibly some of what is happening isn’t a huge bat signal telling everyone to run away, but the types of guys that you are going after. They may not be a good match for you, or they are simply afraid of commitment.

The most important thing to remember is that not everyone is a good fit for each other. There are tools and techniques (such as the ones we have covered in the above paragraphs). But unfortunately there is no secret to finding love. And that’s ok, you really only need one person in the end, not lines and lines of suitors.

Don’t get discouraged, and know that you can still find the romantic love you are looking for. You can break your streak of being told that guy friends “love you like a sister”.



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