Advice Column: Response to Wish I was a Stay at Home Mom

Dear Hailey,

How can you get over having to be a working mom/breadwinner when all you really want is to be a Stay  at Home Mom?


Wish I was a stay at home mom



Dear Wish,

As mothers, we do what is right for our kids. I’m currently a working mom myself, and it can feel absolutely heart wrenching to drop my sweet boy off at daycare. But for our family, it is what is right for us and (at least for the time being) it’s what needs to happen.

The first step to coming to terms with your situation is to make the time you have with your children high quality. That means different things to different families, but make the most of the time you have with your kids. Whether it’s playing games, cuddling and talking, or going to the zoo, figure out what it is for you and your children, and make it a regular part of your routine.

If you aren’t sure where to start to make your time with your children more quality, here are a few miscellaneous tips to making the time with your children more quality:

Don’t feel bad about saying no to things that will limit your time with your kids.  Limit screen time for everyone, yourself included. Most importantly, make a meaningful connection with each of your children each day. It doesn’t need to be a daily drawn out heart to heart, but make sure you connect on some level.

Find a childcare arrangement you are happy with. If you are absolutely content and comfortable with the set up, you will feel less regretful about your time away from them. Keep in mind that no one is as good for your kids as you, but you can still find quality care that your children enjoy.

Know what you are working for. If you remember everyday at your job that you are working to clothe and feed your children, to pay the rent, and to keep the lights on, it will give you purpose. There is a reason you are spending time away from your children.

If after all of this you are still finding yourself feeling regretful, you have a few steps to consider. I don’t know your specific situation, so I will lay out a few different scenarios and some options you have. If you are in a relationship or married, talk to your significant other. Make sure they are aware of your feelings. See if there is budgeting that can be done, cuts you can make to spending, or if you can possibly work less hours. See if you can do some of your work from home. Look into the possibility of longer shifts, to free up more hours at a time. Depending on your discipline, look into some possible work from home opportunities (but be very wary of scams). If you are a single mom, see if there is budgeting that you can do to be able to scale back on hours, and consider the above options that are applicable to you.

Good luck in finding an arrangement that works for you and your family, something that you feel at peace with.



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