Advice Column: Response to Passive Bride

Dear Hailey,

So I’m getting married in May, and I’ve got a potential dilemma that I don’t know how to tactfully approach, or if it’s even my place. I chose my best friend as my matron of honor, and my sister as my bridesmaid. My sister is thrilled about my wedding, and was so excited to contribute to planning my bridal shower. As far as the shower goes, I know I’m having one, but beyond that, I’m letting them surprise me.

The problem is, my MOH isn’t sharing with planning or coming up with ideas, and I feel that she’s overstepping. My wedding is going to be somewhat small (45 guest max, and mostly family and close friends), so the amount of women coming to the shower will be even smaller. That being said, I found out from my sister that MOH wants to invite some of her girlfriends from work whom I’ve never met before. I’ve read that it’s a faux pas to invite anyone to your shower that you don’t intend to invite to the wedding, but regardless I’m a rather socially awkward introvert and I don’t want random people there.

Furthermore, all she’s done as far as letting my sister contribute is to message her a list of things she needs to buy, and says she’ll handle the rest. I know my shower is being planned as more or less a surprise for me, but my sister told me all of this because she’s feeling hurt and somewhat left out. I don’t know if I should say something, or tell my sister she needs to assert herself and just let this play out, and just deal with the random people when the day comes.

Passive Bride

Dear Passive Bride,

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! First off, it’s not an unreasonable request to want only people that you know at your bridal shower. Especially considering the small wedding service that you are having and your introverted personality. 

Essentially, you have the choice between enduring an uncomfortable, upfront conversation or an awkward party with strangers. It puts you in an uncomfortable position to know about the shower and the unknown guests when the details are supposed to be a surprise. Personally, I wouldn’t worry about intervening unless you know there are people attending that you have strong negative feelings about. 

Bonus, it will also mean a few extra bridal shower gifts, some people to take pictures that you aren’t concerned about having in the pictures, and some extra help for your maid of honor at the shower. Don’t feel obligated to invite these strangers to your wedding either. Enjoy your shower, and do your best to avoid getting bogged down in any drama between your sister and maid of honor. This is your special day and the beginning of a new part of your life, after all! 

Congratulations again, and good luck! 


Posted in Q&A

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