Advice Column: Response to Long Distance

Dear Hailey,

This may be an odd question for your advice column but I figured it was worth a shot of asking.

My closest guy friend lives across the country from me in California and we’ve been friends for 10+ years now. We met when I was 16 and he was 18. We have never formally met in person but we’ve talked on the phone and face timed tons of times. I can talk to him about anything with no fear of judgement.

He was in a relationship for 6 years and engaged to the girl but broke off the engagement. He’s told me he had a huge crush on me for the longest time (years) when we first met, I’m not sure how many years to be exact. Well now that were older I’ve noticed that I’ve always had feelings for him and just shoved those feelings deep down due to the distance between us and us always being in different relationships.

But here recently I told him that I’ve always liked him which he was shocked to hear because I never said anything in the past out of respect for the girl he was dating / engaged to.

We are both single right now and I’m noticing my feelings for him are getting stronger and stronger almost to the point where I think I could potentially be in love with him. I don’t want to say that for sure I am yet considering we’ve never met. We do plan to meet one another in the upcoming year.

Should I tell him how I’m feeling or not since we’ve never met? He’s told me that there is nothing that I could tell him that would mess up our friendship but I just don’t know.


Long Distance

Dear Long Distance,

It’s almost always better to be upfront and share your feelings. You have been friends for a very long time, and have an incredibly close relationship. You know each other super well, and with your friendship being long distance, you have a deep understanding of each other emotionally as people.

I would recommend telling him what you are thinking and feeling. There is no way for you to know exactly how it will play out, and there are definitely risks involved. But you do not want to continue on with the friendship for years and wonder what would’ve happened if you had put yourself out there.

It’s incredibly scary to make yourself vulnerable in this way, but this isn’t a brand new concept for either of you. At one time or another, you have both expressed romantic feelings toward one another at different times. This will make it less of a shock.

I would recommend you take the plunge and go for it! I wish you luck,


Posted in Q&A

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