It’s one of those times. I have an almost completed post that I’m just about ready to hit publish on, and I knew in my heart I needed to talk about something else. That post is important as well, but it can wait.
I’ve been feeling down this weekend. Super duper below the crust of the earth down, and just plain worthless. After every interaction I’ve had this weekend I was convinced that I was a conversational drag. That every choice I made was a dud. That I’m a failure of a mother, a failure of a wife, a failure of a writer, and a failure of a professional. I’ve already made it known on the blog that I struggle with seasonal affective disorder, but this was something more than just my usual winter blues.
I tearfully brought it up to my husband, (who’s not an idiot, and so he knew that something was up), and he brought up an incredibly important insight. He told me, after very sweetly disputing my negative comments about myself: “Did you ever think about where those thoughts are coming from?”
Whether you are religious or not, I’m sure you can agree that negative thoughts about ourselves don’t come from good places. From our own insecurities, from comparing ourselves to others, maybe even from satan.
There’s a sweet little toddler who keeps climbing on my lap for cuddles and interrupting my typing. He doesn’t think I’m a failure. I’m his favorite human in the entire world.
I have a husband who loves me and has stuck by me through some excruciatingly tough times. We’ve had way more awesome times, but the tough ones are what solidify and prove our relationship.
You know what I realized? I must be worth something to have the love of those two amazing people.
If you can’t find positive thoughts about yourself, borrow them from someone who loves you for a little while. Look through their eyes for a minute.
Don’t ever say things to yourself that you wouldn’t say to someone that you love. Cut off that negative self-talk RIGHT NOW. Kick those negative thoughts about yourself to the curb, because guess what? You control what gets to stay in your brain. You can’t always choose what appears in your mind, but you choose whether to entertain those thoughts. And since you have control, why on earth would you allow negative thoughts to live in your soul and drag you down?
The way I’ve been feeling today? This isn’t the way I’m going to ring in the new year. I’m going to finish typing this post, and I’m going to put my laptop away and I’m going to spend time with my family. Take your negative stuff, throw it away. Stop your days of feeling worthless. This journey takes practice, but it has to start sometime. If you want to change, you’re the only one who can do it.
Now is as good of a time as any.