Like a Sister (Response to Always the Sister Type)

Dear Hailey,

I’m in my upper 20s and have been in several relationships, but guys always end up telling me that they “love me like a sister” or that they don’t love me THAT way- that is, the romantic way. I am very
feminine and I definitely don’t have a problem expressing my feelings of affection through words or actions, and I have been kissed before- but later he said he didn’t feel that way about me even after we’d discussed marriage. So I’ve coined myself as having what I call “Little Sister Syndrome” because that’s how guys see me. I realize that some of them could have other struggles that I’m not aware of but it always feels like it’s me. I value trust in relationships and friendships but I want the people I date to see me as more than just a trustworthy pretty girl who they can be comfortable with- but never consider spending a life with. Thanks for listening.

Always the sister type

 

 

Dear Always the sister type,

You aren’t alone, many people find themselves in the place that you continually find yourself in, and it is a very painful place. There is a reason that there are hundreds of thousands of stories and songs
written about unrequited love, because IT HURTS. All people have a need for emotional closeness. It is really hurtful to discover that the person that you had romantic intentions for only needed emotional intimacy, but nothing romantic.

You feel something really deep and romantic, and in return they tell you that they love you like a sister. Which seriously sucks.

It really is ok to make your intentions for someone known early on. While many people view directness as taboo, (Even though there is absolutely nothing wrong with it) it can save you a large amount of heart ache in the end.

It is also important to make sure that your interactions are being equally reciprocated. If you are always the one to call, always the one to come over, you always text first, then you need to evaluate
what you are doing. It is ok to back off, and give them a chance to reach out first. Give them a chance to miss you. This can give you (as well as them) a clearer picture of their feelings. This can also help you avoid getting too attached to someone who doesn’t feel the same way.

I am a big proponent of self-reflection, and journal writing. We often can find patterns in the types of people that we attract/seek after, as well as patterns in our own behavior if we spend time reflecting and writing. It is important to consider that possibly some of what is happening isn’t a huge bat signal telling everyone to run away, but the types of guys that you are going after. They may not be a good match for you, or they are simply afraid of commitment.

The most important thing to remember is that not everyone is a good fit for each other. There are tools and techniques (such as the ones we have covered in the above paragraphs). But unfortunately there is no secret to finding love. And that’s ok, you really only need one person in the end, not lines and lines of suitors.

Don’t get discouraged, and know that you can still find the romantic love you are looking for. You can break your streak of being told that guy friends “love you like a sister”.

Hailey

 

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Dear Worried…

In response to “Worried”

Dear Hailey,

Before I get to the actual question, you need some background information first. Back when my husband was a child his life changed in an instant when a drunk driver crashed into his parents car killing most of his family. His older brother and him were the only 2 survivers from the wreck. After nearly dying, and years later, both brothers are ok and dont suffer a whole lot from previous injuries. Even though my husband’s injuries were far more critical and serious then his older brothers injuries, his older brother seems to have more long lasting issues.

My husband and brother are ridiculously close. I seriously question who he would be more sad to lose in death, me or his brother. Thats how close they are. Its a running joke between my sister in law and i that we are both not sure if they would be more sad to lose their wife or their brother.

Fast forward to now. My husbands brother has been not feeling very well, never having enough energy, missing work for being “sick” or just plain exhausted. So they went and got some tests done last week and found out that his pancreas is slowly failing. They put him on some enzymes that supposedly help combat that and supposedly he can live a long and healthy life as long as he stays on the enzymes. Unfortunately they found out yesterday he is horribly allergic to them and breaks out in these really painful hives and cankers in his mouth.

He was told he needs to stop taking them until they clear up and then maybe try taking them again. As far as we know there is nothing else he can take to replace the enzymes needed for his failing pancreas. My husband knows about the pancreas and that he was taking the enzymes but i havent told him about the allergic reaction to the enzymes yet. He fell apart for days just finding out about the pancreas problems…. and that was when we had.hope that the enzymes were safe to take for life and would basically fix the problem.

So my question is should I tell my husband about this? Or should I leave that up to his brother?

Worried

A: Dear Worried,

You have been put in a very difficult position with knowing this information before your husband, especially with the close relationship between him and his brother. You have outlined your choices in your question, you either need to tell your husband, or leave it in your brother in laws hands. I feel your best option is to encourage your brother in law to tell your brother. However, if he chooses not to tell him, your husband will find out eventually, and it will be hurtful if time has passed. I would encourage your brother in law, decide in your mind on how much time you will give him, and then tell your husband after that amount of time has passed (whether it be hours or days). Truly, you know the situation best and should proceed how you feel would be best for everyone, yourself included.

Hailey

 

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