Advice Column: Response to “Scary Spice”

Dear Hailey,

I’ve been talking to this guy for about a month and a half now. At first, I was only interested in a friends with benefits situation, which he and I never actually discussed. I just figured he wouldn’t leave a strong impression on me. Fast forward to today, and we hang out a couple times a week, text on a daily basis, FT call each other when we can, and refer to each other as ‘babe’, ‘boo’, ‘baby’ , etc. Now, first things first, we haven’t had that exclusive talk yet, that ‘what are we?’ Conversation, but neither of us talk to anyone else romantically besides the other. And when we make love…he makes eye contact like he wants to see into my soul, he holds my hand, intertwines his fingers with mine…and sometimes while we are mid-coitus I get the urge to blurt out ‘I love you.’

And I think I really am falling in love with him. The scariest part is that I’ve never said it first to someone…I’m usually the last to realize my feelings. So my dilemma is I feel like he might be falling for me, he hasn’t said so, but I believe I’m falling for him and I don’t know how to tell him that, and I don’t want the first time I say it to be on accident during sex 😭. Please help!

Scary Spice

Dear Scary Spice,

It sounds like you have already realized that you have two choices at this point. You can tell him directly, or risk accidentally blurting it out in a moment of passion.

There isn’t any way to get around stating that you love someone directly for the first time.  You can either straight up tell them that you love them, or you can have a talk discussing what exactly you are to each other. You can have the talk that is sometimes referred to as the DTR (Determine The Relationship), and then move on to saying “I love you”. You can decide which of those sounds better to you. It is definitely scary to be the first person to say “I love you”, as it puts you in a very vulnerable position. But with this vulnerability, you also open yourself up for something very special and wonderful with someone that you care deeply about.

This sounds like a very passionate and romantic relationship, with the potential to go somewhere very special. I encourage you to take the plunge, and talk to him about your feelings. I wish you luck.


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