Advice Column- Always a Bridesmaid

Dear Hailey,

 

I am a fairly new new-comer to your blog and was reading through some past advice column posts and decided to post my own question, or share what’s on my mind. I am single, but honestly I’m pretty happy about it- MOST of the time. I haven’t met the right guy yet. I would rather be single and happy than married and miserable or, not happy in a marriage and I feel very strongly about those convictions. I refuse to settle. But, through the years as my friends get married (and most of them are) I have been heavily involved in helping them plan their weddings whether it be local or even if they are on the other side of the country they still call and need input, etc.

I love that my friends involve me with their special day and take my opinions seriously- but SOMETIMES it’s just hard. I mean, I don’t want to sound like sour grapes here but there’s that part of me that sighs inside and thinks “Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.”

I guess it’s natural to feel this way but I was just curious on your thoughts. I am really happy for my friends and I especially enjoy being a part of the wedding and other festivities. I’m an amateur photographer and taking wedding photos brings me joy! Dating has always been a struggle for me because most of the guys I get involved with turn out to not be as great as I’d originally thought and it always ends- but in retrospect I’m GLAD that I didn’t end up with any of them.

I’ve dodged a few bullets. My good friend sent me something that said, “My prince charming is not coming on a white horse, he is obviously riding a turtle somewhere, very confused.” I laughed so hard at this because, it’s true! Perhaps I should think of this at the next wedding I attend and laugh to myself. Thank you for your time.

Always a Bridesmaid

 

 

Dear Bridesmaid,

You are wise to approach the prospect of marriage with caution. It is a decision that has a large impact on your life, and definitely shouldn’t be taken lightly.

It’s natural to want to be with someone, it’s how we’re wired as humans. We seek out companionship, romantic or otherwise.

It’s also normal to feel some dissonance when we recognize a gap between where we are, and where we want to be. It’s an uncomfortable feeling, but it serves an important purpose in personal growth and progress. However, when you aren’t sure what you want, or how to get it, it can make this uncomfortable feeling even harder to understand.

You have put into words what all people have experienced at some point: A longing for something they are not sure that they actually want.

It sounds like on the one hand, it would be nice to have someone. On the other hand, you mention you have had some bad experiences.

Relationships are hard. People can be disappointing at times. It’s also hard when you find that most of your friends are in a different phase of life than you.

Listen to yourself. Think about what you picture as a happy life for yourself. Think about what that means for you, and not just in regards to relationship status. I wish you luck!

Hailey

Posted in Q&A

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